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Stage of Life

  • Perception

    Let’s talk about you. How do you feel about aging? It sucks, doesn’t it? Come to think of it, there never was a time when everything was perfect, but you would think so if you listen to people talk about the “the good old days.”

    You may have to rework your perception.  Are you thinking this is a big to-do about nothing, or are you entertaining the idea that things could be a little better. Ageing, after all, shouldn’t just be about playing golf, traveling, and spoiling your grandchildren.

    You weathered everything else that life has thrown at you so why should this be any different? You survived school day bullying, teenage angsts, adult insecurities, and a lot of other indignities and frustrations along the way. Can this really be any different?

    Modern medicine and technology have combined to give you something pretty special, the gift of longevity. Extra time that could very well be the best years of your life, if you play your cards right.  

    Society was wrong when they divided the life span into three rigid categories: young, middle-aged, and old. We now know that was just the tip of the iceberg. Researchers now know that there are many shades of gray factored into the mix.  

    People are old for a very long time. Remember when 30 seemed “old” to you? Well, researchers have taken this last category and breathed extra life into it.  Old had now been divided into young-old, middle-old, and old-old, and this can be spread over a very long period of time.

    Age should not define who you are. Perception matters. How you “feel” is more important than the number of years you have been around. Some people feel young at ninety while others feel old at sixty.  Decide to feel young.

    The key factor is to admit it if you are struggling. Don’t let the words “I can’t do this,” or “what’s the use,” gets caught in your throat. It shouldn’t take words from a visiting family member, who notices that you seem to be “failing,” to serve as your personal wakeup call. By the time someone else notices, it may be too late.  

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  • Taking Charge

    Being in charge is not about digging in your heels and stubbornly refusing to move, change, or accept help. Being in charge is about making good decisions. Period.

     One way or another you are going to end up alone and dealing with more physical and mental issues than you would like to admit. It is just the way it is.  

    You can stay in your own home, live with a family member, or move into a community of like-minded individuals. It is up to you. Where you live is not as important as “how” you live.

    Most people do not like being alone. There is safety in numbers. Knowing what to expect makes you feel safe and comfortable, but as you move into uncharted territory nothing makes sense anymore. All of the rules, regulations, and guidelines that have kept you on an even keel no longer apply.

    You liked rules. You hated rules. There were times when you wanted to tear your hair out, but you felt safe and you knew exactly what was expected of you. Hair may not be an option now but the need for peace, order, and safety persists.

    The desire to age in place is universal. More and more people, particularly women, find themselves living alone or in the role of a caregiver for the first time in their lives. The need for self-care has reached epic heights.

     Aging is insidious. It is a bitter blow when it dawns on you that things are not going to get better on their own. You are being forced into a new and frightening situation through no fault of your own.  

    Where to start? Fortunately, researchers have been studying aging for a long time. They have concluded that you can become a healthier, stronger, version of yourself, but that it will take determination, hard work and a considerable amount of help.  

    Take a minute. Give yourself a break. Breathe. Get out of the house. Reconnect with family and friends. Change things up a bit. Accept you’re your family, your friends, and community need you as much as you need them.

  • A Quiet Life

    After decades of hustle, bustle, deadlines, and anxieties you have earned some peace and quiet.  So why is everyone worried about you? There is nothing wrong with living a quiet life, but there is a difference between being quiet and reflexive and being isolated and depressed.

    We have been conditioned to equate busyness with happiness. We admire, or think we admire, people who overbook themselves, but is this the way you want to live now?

    A senior who wants to slow down and “smell the roses” may be regarded with suspicion, so be sure you make your plan known in advance.   Be modern. Assure your family and friends that you need some “space” and that you want to “find yourself.” Believe it or not, this is something that they will understand.   It beats being referred to as stubborn, cantankerous, and set in your ways.

    By all means “find yourself.” Release your inner creativity, even if you can’t draw a straight line or write a coherent sentence. Creativity is much more than “artistic endeavors.”  Think of it as giving yourself permission to be interested, passionate, and joyful about any number of things.  It could be something as simple as selecting just the right throw pillows for your couch, painting your kitchen yellow, or starting to journal your thoughts and ideas.  

    It may be hard but slowing down to “smell the roses” is a good thing. It means that you are free, perhaps for the first time since childhood, to feel passionate about something beyond having a good work ethic.  

    Recreate some of your dreams. Think back to when you promised yourself   that “someday,” when you have more time, you revisit some of those dreams. Guess what? That “someday” has finally arrived.

    Statistics confirm that fewer seniors complain about being lonely than you might imagine, and why not. The world is still filled with possibilities, and you are finally free to do what you want. You can meditate, grow in your faith, pursue new interests, and find ways to reconnect with your community.   

  • Healthy Lifestyle

    Admit it. You have been living on the edge for years. You are not alone, but you must have known that sooner or later you would have to “pay the piper.”

    You say you are fine just the way you are, but are you?  Would you be willing to make some changes if it meant tomorrow could be better than today?

    Deep questions. You may have been lucky in the past, but what happens when “luck” runs out? Good genes can only take you so far. You will soon notice, if you haven’t already, that your aging body is not as forgiving as it used to be.

    You did a lot of things over the years that weren’t particularly good for you. You knew it at the time, but everyone needs a few vices, right?  You smoked, drank, ate way too much fast food, avoided exercising, and you burned the candle at both ends. It was a recipe for disaster, but worrying about the future was a long way off.

     Well, the future is here. Seniors, that’s you, generally fall into one of three categories. Folks in the first group have felt “poorly” for so long that they have forgotten what it is like to feel good. Those in the second group were just healthy enough that they didn’t have to worry about it, and those in the   third group tried hard to do everything right. Regardless of which group you are in, old age happens.  

     It’s not too late to adopt a healthy lifestyle. Don’t pretend that you don’t know what this means. You would have been living in a vacuum if you hadn’t read or at least noticed all of the research done on the subject.   

    What can a healthy lifestyle do for you? The big items, of course, focus on reducing the risk of heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. These are big guns, but they are not everything. Your body will soon alert you to a bunch of lesser-known conditions that can make your life truly miserable. You may already be experiencing joint pain, muscle soreness, fatigue, balance issues, breathlessness, and even memory loss. Whoa. Slow down.

    Researchers assure us that if we are willing to do the work, we can stave off, or at least learn to compensate for many of these issues.  Adopting a healthier lifestyle is the commonsense approach to independent living.

  • Mobility and Transportation

    Assess yourself; nobody knows “you” better than you know yourself. The trick is whether or not you can be honest.  

    What is the first thing you think about when doing a self-assessment? Most likely it is mobility and transportation. You bonded with your car when you were sixteen and it has been an ongoing love affair ever since.  Mobility and transportation are everything to you, but it isn’t just about driving. You need to lump walking, bike riding, and the use of a wheelchair or scooter into the mix.   

    I know, use of a cane, walker, wheelchair or even considering a handicap placard scream “old age,” and you aren’t ready for that yet. Wait a minute, maybe you are. A handicap placard can be a real perk, but you need to assess why you may need one. Is it because you get short of breath when walking any distance, or is it because your hips, knees, or feet hurt all of the time? Fatigue and sense of balance also loom large. Tree Pose in yoga classes was likely never a favorite, but you could pull it off, until one day you couldn’t. Yoga or not, one day you were fine and the next day you were not. You bobbled and nearly fell over when standing on one leg to pull up your slacks. At first you shrugged it off, but when it happened again you started to worry.   

    Talk to your physician. You really need to figure out how and why your body is letting you down. Mobility is a big deal.  Assess, assess, assess. You want to be able to get out of bed and stand up straight without moaning and groaning. You want to be able to get up out of a chair, walk in a straight line, and look back over your shoulder.

    You have to be able to get around if you live alone or if you are taking care of a significant other.  Work with Physical or Occupational Therapists if necessary and learn how to combat physical limitations.   You may never be able to run up a flight of stairs again, but walking is good.

  • Makeovers: You Are What You Eat

    A makeover has nothing to do with which foundations match your skin tone or whether guys decide to sport a beard, or not.  That ship has sailed. A real makeover occurs within, and it has to do with health and wellbeing. Think about it now, do not wait until you wake up in a hospital bed.  

    Let’s backtrack. Why are you in the hospital in the first place? Is it    because you weren’t as healthy or as strong as you thought you were?  You had a medical emergency; you forgot to turn off the stove, or you were in a hurry and lost your balance? You fell, didn’t you? You not only fell, but horror of horror, you were not able to get up.

    It’s too late now to think of all of the “should have,” “could have”, and “would have” plans that you didn’t make.  If the fall, surgery, and rehab didn’t finish you off, you still have a chance, but it is going to test your strength and determination to the limit.

    What went wrong? Lack of coordination and decreased muscle strength crept on you because you weren’t eating properly, you were too busy or lazy to exercise, and you sometimes forgot to take your medicines.  

    Are you fueling your body with good food? Eating is more fun than exercising so let’s start there. It is not that you don’t know the importance of a good diet. Moms nagged, teachers taught, and reporters still write about nutrition “ad nauseum.” Despite their efforts, somewhere along the line cooking/eating lost its appeal.  

    After a series of unhealthy diets, not enough time to cook properly, or the rising price of healthy food items, you threw up your hands and gave up.  I saw seniors in care facility dining rooms leave more food, especially vegetables, on their plates than they ate (except for desserts). Mom is rolling, well you know.

    Regardless of personal preferences, you still need protein, carbohydrates, fats, and enough calories to keep your muscles, bones, and brain cells functioning.  Eat as if your life depends on it, because it kind of does.

  • Remodel Yourself

    You may think you are doing fine, but are you? Seriously, the list of things that come under the realm of “activities of daily living” is huge.  When did just “living” become so hard? If you are a caregiver or living alone it is time to evaluate your lifestyle.  

    Cleanliness, hmmm. When your eyesight was razor sharp or you lived with someone else you reacted immediately when you dripped spaghetti sauce or spilled coffee on your shirt. Well, darn! Now, it is too easy to think “who cares,” or “I’ll take care of it later.”

    Someone else was always there to remind you that “cleanliness is next to Godliness.”  Now it is up to you to notice if you don’t want people whispering “he/she seems to be slipping” behind your back.  Makes you mad, doesn’t it? When did a little faux pas become such an issue?

    Yes, everyone spills stuff, but when people can tell you what you had for dinner two nights ago, it will likely become a topic of conversation.  So, get into the habit of washing up and putting on clean clothes every morning.

    When did you take your last real bath?  In the old days you got away with sponge baths or a tub filled with hot water in the middle of the kitchen floor on Saturday night, and yes, doing laundry was a real chore. Everything is, or can be, easier now and excuses are not readily accepted.

    Today, you must focus on whether or not you can enter and/or exit the tub or shower stall safely. If the least little bit unsteady you need to let someone know what you are up to.  Bathrooms can be deadly.  

    Slippery tiles, porcelain sinks and tubs, and low-slung toilet seats are not forgiving.  Getting off from the toilet or taking a shower should not be hard. Grab bars, Grab bars, Grab bars, and a Medical Alert System can be your best friends.

    Identify problem areas by using the activities of daily list as a guideline.  Create a safe environment for yourself and get busy “remodeling yourself.” You are not alone in this.

  • Activities of Daily Living

    Senior proofing your house is a good idea. No argument there, but why does everyone suggest that there is more to do. Have you considered remodeling yourself?   

    What does that mean? You are doing fine. Why does everyone think that you need to change?  Why won’t people leave you alone?

    Duh! This is one time in your life that you should not want everyone to leave you alone. Chronic conditions that you have never heard of are lurking in the wings, not to mention that you tire more easily and you notice a new ache or pain every day.      

    You might be pleased to know that you can fight it. You will never return to the way you were, but you can create some safeguards to help you navigate your world.   Nature did a pretty good job of taking care of you when you were young, but this time it is all going to be on you.

    You can evaluate yourself, but you need to know that most people have trouble with this. It might be better to have someone impartial do this.  Two options: you can read a book on successful ageing, or you can consult a geriatric specialist.  

    Try not to be offended by the questions asked. An evaluation is not a test. It has not been designed to trip you up or make you feel bad about yourself.    

     The first thing a professional looks at is how well you are managing your “activities or daily living.” They want nothing more than to make sure that you are getting around safely and are capable of taking care of yourself.   

    It is a big ask but you need not feel ashamed if you fall short in certain areas.  Learning to identify problems and correcting them is more productive than just hoping that nobody will notice.

    Taking care of “activities of daily living” might seem irrelevant because you have always done these things for yourself, but bathing, walking, driving, shopping, preparing meals, and dressing are a big deal.  Only your desire to live independently is going to help you now. Are you up for it?

  • Ready, Set, Go

    Seniors are not lazy. They don’t dream about just sitting back to reap the benefits from their Social Security and Medicare accounts.

    Retirement euphoria doesn’t last long, and it is often followed by boredom or worse yet, inertia.  If inertia isn’t your style, it is time to change things up a bit.     

    You are not alone if you fear change. Change is threatening because it means leaving your comfort zone. Don’t sell yourself short. Seniors have wisdom, experience, and problem-solving skills that come from long years of study, trial, and yes even errors. Use them!

    I know what you are thinking. You don’t feel that you can take on anything else right now, but why not? You have more time at your disposal than at any other time in your life. Remember what you told your kids when they whined because they were afraid to leave their comfort zone? You said “nonsense, you can do anything you set your mind to.” What will you do when they say that same thing to you? Will you fight it or embrace it?

    You still have time, whether it be days, weeks, or years. Get over yourself for half a minute and go for it! Start small. We aren’t talking about running a marathon or giving up everything you love, but it isn’t too late to rethink your diet, visit your health care team, start an exercise program, resurrect a hobby, or learn something new.

     As your confidence grows, your body will gets stronger and your brain will start paying attention again. Embrace what you “can do” instead of getting bogged down by the can nots. Your body isn’t as strong or as agile as it was, but “you are still you”.  

    The bold truth is that you cannot age successfully or maintain your independent lifestyle if you don’t put forth a little effort. What do you want to do first? Examine your activities of daily living, “senior proof” your house, go to the Senior Center, or sign up for a class? You are better, smarter, and stronger than you think.  

  • The Future is Now

    The future may not be as rosy as it used to be, and it may take longer to figure things out, but you still have a future.  

    It’s a lot to think about, especially if you have resigned yourself to the inevitable, but let’s not go there yet.  Seniors in the past often had a different mindset because the years between retirement and well, you know, were miniscule.

    Longevity has changed that, but it has also created a whole new set of concerns. People are living longer and research has opened many doors, if you choose to open them.

    What do all of these predictions and statistics mean to you? It means you may have to factor an additional 10, 20 or 30 more years into your picture.

    Nobody dreams of spending their later years in a care facility, but how in the world are you supposed to keep that from happening? Truth be told, people living in a controlled environment with regular meals, medication programs, enforced therapy and socialization tend to live longer. This tells us that independence is still within our grasp. It also shows us how important nutrition, exercise, socialization and mental stimulation is to the overall picture.

     Planning for the future takes on a whole new dimension. Where we live does not have to change who we are, but you need to listen, learn and make some difficult decisions.  I learned when I worked with seniors, long before becoming one, that we all need to listen to our elders. Their words of wisdom boiled down to “If I knew I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself.”

    So, listen up. You have a future no matter where you live. You all want to feel good, remain active, and keep “all of your marbles” so that you can embrace your future.

     Ultimately it may mean dropping some old habits and developing some new ones, but you already know that.  Look ahead instead of behind you and make good solid decisions.  There is still plenty to work on.