Smart Senior

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Stage of Life

  • Gift of Time

    People of extraordinary wisdom have been telling us for years that the only thing we don’t have enough of is “time.”  Of course we knew that, but it is so easy to forget. It takes a lifetime of living for that homily to sink in.   

    When and why did we get so careless with time? How often did we said, “It doesn’t matter, we can do it later, or there will always be other days?”

    We became masters at “putting things off” because we thought we had all the time in the world. It doesn’t work that way, does it? We know the answer to that now; it’s one of those older and wiser things.  

    Our excuses were always the same.  We were too busy or too distracted, even though we knew, deep down, that time wasted is an opportunity missed.

    So much to do. So little time. Getting behind, putting things off, and rescheduling are all byproducts of wasted time.  It is way too easy to think, or say, “let’s wait a minute. We can do that tomorrow, or next month, or maybe never.” Wasting time becomes a mantra, until so much time has gone by that we can never catch up.  

    What can you do to slow time down? What about declaring a “WHAT IF” day. A day to ponder all the possibilities that were postponed, or missed altogether, because you thought you had more time.  

    “WHAT IF” today was the day you were supposed to meet the love of your life, or the day you said “No” to a move or a promotion because something better might come along?  “WHAT IF” you knew that today was going to be the last time you were to see a parent, a friend, or your child?  

    There is no guarantee that tomorrow is going to be better than today. If we haven’t learned anything else, we should have at least learned that we shouldn’t squander the time we have left. There are parents, grandparents, and children to hug, phone calls to make, letters to write, volunteer opportunities to fulfill, thoughts to think, and prayers to breathe.

  • Decisions

    Seniors have a lot of decisions to make. You will likely shrug your shoulders and think that you have been doing this forever, what’s the big deal now?  Think about it. Senior decisions are all “big deals,” mainly because you no longer have the luxury of changing your mind.  

    The brain changes as you age, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Age, accompanied by experience and wisdom are a hard combination to beat.  This is a good thing, because the decisions you make today will be forever.

    Social media makes it difficult to settle. Outside forces are always suggesting that if you hold out long enough you will find something bigger and better.  Deep down you know this isn’t true. You need to make decisions based on your own personality, your own personal history, and your own values.

    Obviously, an emergency situation, where immediate action is called for, doesn’t give you time to second guess yourself, but fortunately most decisions are more forgiving than that.   

    How do you make your decisions? Do you fly by the seat of your pants, or do you agonize over each and every one of them?  You do know by now that all decisions don’t have to be big deals, and that sometimes “good enough” is well, good enough.

    By the time you reach senior status you have learned that it is best not to overload yourself. Little things like “deciding” what to wear or whether you need to do laundry today are not worth agonizing about. It is okay to let routines (things you do without thinking) take over in everyday life. Focus instead on lifestyle changes, which, as it turns out, are a big deal.  

    Like most humans you can drive yourself crazy without out any outside help at all, but if you make poor decisions, you have no one to blame but yourself.

    The lesson learned, of course, is that YOU want to make decisions (hopefully good ones) that will allow you to live out your days with grace and maturity.  No more second guessing.  

  • Leaving The Nest

    Ah, I know what you are thinking. Leaving the nest is all about the kids leaving home. You have been there and done that, but what does that have to do with you now?

    Experiencing the classic empty nest syndrome, and physically leaving your own nest, is an entirely different story. However, the emotional overtones are the same, no matter what your age.  

    Whether you are 18 or 80, the thought of leaving the place where you have lived for many years is heart wrenching.  As a parent you were teary-eyed when the last child left your nest, but it was your nest, and empty of family or not, it held the story of you.

    A lot will depend on the lifestyle that you adopted, but in today’s mobile society, even having a nest is a minor miracle. It ceases to be a big deal when you move often, but you aren’t the only one who has lived in a family home for decades.

    People who have moved frequently know the drill. Whether a military family or a wife following a spouse from one end of the country to the other, you learned early on that too much stuff drags you down, not to mention how costly it is.  

    Everyone else, the ones who stayed on the farm or in the same town for a lifetime, will find downsizing a little harder.  It is not surprising that “nesters” become deeply attached to “things,” and that they find downsizing quite disturbing.

    True downsizing means reducing the size of your home. You are doing this for a reason and it is going to require a lot of thought, research, and planning.

    The biggest decision will be about what you can keep, what can be given away, and what ends up in the trash. If you seriously can’t do this, it might be prudent to hire a professional organizer (an outside party who can be firm but kind).

    Your job is to keep in mind that you want to be remembered for being a kind, thoughtful, wonderful person, rather than for all of the stuff you accumulated.

  • Mini-Bucket Lists

    Stop thinking of a bucket list as something only the rich and famous are entitled to. Everyone needs a bucket list. It’s a last hurrah, isn’t it?

    Bucket lists are traditionally thought of as all the things that you want to do before you die. Let’s substitute the word “try” instead of “die” and broaden our horizons.      

    If things “not done” are starting to weigh heavily on your mind, you might start thinking about making that list. In the past you were busy with school, jobs, families, and proving ourselves. No time for lists, bucket or otherwise.  

    When people start thinking about making a bucket list they joke about visiting the Taj Mahal or climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, but they know that isn’t going to happen.

    This is where another kind of bucket list comes into play. For lack of a better word, let’s call it a mini bucket list. Instead of pipe dreams you can fill your bucket with all of the “little things” that have piqued your interest throughout the years. For me it was a high school art class. I wasn’t particularly good, but I wasn’t bad either. I remember thinking “someday” I’ll come back to this.  That was 60 years ago but you never know.

    What were your “somedays”?  I’m not talking about that trip around the world, although none of us would likely refuse if it were offered, but of all the other little things.    

    Make a list. Learn how to play bridge, start a birding list, or plant some seeds. Write your memoirs, make a gratitude list, research your ancestry, paint a picture, or go back to school.

     Get rid of the notion that you have to master everything that you try. Focus on enjoying the journey. If your first attempts don’t measure up, you can cross them off your list and move on to something else. Knowing that you gave it your best shot is all of the validation you should need.

    Sound too ambitious? Start small by trying to catch up with relatives and friends.  There is always something to be happy about if you take time to look.

  • Time To Do Nothing

    When we were kids doing nothing was okay. Well not always, because we were introduced to chores early on. Parents were not able to drive us to one organized activity after the other, so we were expected to entertain ourselves. If we complained or whined about feeling bored, they would threaten to find “something” unpleasant for us to do.  Needless to say we went outside, or to our rooms and did something, or nothing at all,

    Doing nothing is too often equated with self-indulgence or laziness. Not true. We all need “time outs.” When your brain gets used to doing too much, you begin to think being anxious is normal.

    When you stop focusing on “doing things”, the brain has a chance to go into default mode, and guess what? Creativity kicks in and problem solving occurs. Wow!  

    Busy people fear wasting time. God forbid if someone catches you sitting back with your eyes closed when you are supposed to be working. Strict supervisors often forget that the brain is always working.    

    It is not easy to slow down, to stop, and to do nothing. Instead of feeling guilty, you should be giving yourself permission to do nothing. Stop looking at your phones and other monitors. You don’t need technology regulating every aspect of your life.

    When you spend your life moving fast, you come to believe that it is essential to your survival. Think about it: working, parenting, socializing, volunteering, maintaining your home or whatever. No wonder you are in a perpetual state of anxiety.

    At what age or level of security does anxiety fade? It seems there is always something to be anxious about.  What will happen if that drive starts to fade? Will you feel lazy, confused and dogged by your old hardworking habits? Can you get over asking yourself if you were productive today?

    What will happen if you don’t rush off anywhere? The world is not going to end tomorrow if you allow yourself to take a nap, read a book, pet your dog or watch a favorite movie. Take a break. Do nothing and let your brain recalibrate. Reconnect with yourself.

  • What Happens Now?

    A blackout, an injury fall and the feeling that Mother Nature has pulled out the rug is a low blow. “Not fair” you say, but we all know that something like this is bound to happen sooner or later. Life, as you/we know it, will never be the same.      

    Ageing is frustrating. It has a number of upsides, but that doesn’t make the downs any easier. Modifying your environment is one thing, but making the changes demanded by a misbehaving body is something else. Once your confidence takes a hit it is hard to get it back.  

    Old age changes your world in so many ways.  Surgery, rehabilitation, and new medications can help, but it is going to take sheer willpower to get your mojo back.  

    Will you ever be as strong as you were before?  It seems impossible when your elbow hurts, your shoulder won’t rotate, your knee has lost its range of motion, and you are flooded with negative thoughts.  Confidence and a “can do” attitude have always worked before, but what happens when your control seems to be slipping away?

    You can change your environment but accepting and changing the way you have always done things is more challenging.   Little things like driving your car or going for a walk need to be scrutinized closely, because now you have to factor in your safety as well as the safety of others.

    The world is not going to end tomorrow if you have ask someone else to shop for you, clean your house, or drive you to appointments.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.   You are still “you” even if some of your parts don’t work as well as they used to.

     Check your attitude at the door and arm yourself with a new sense of determination (advice to self).  Accept the inevitable and move forward, one step at a time.  Acknowledge that the old way of doing things is not the only way.  Your brain, fortunately, retains its ability to reconfigure itself, to learn, throughout an entire lifetime. Personal growth had no expiration date.

  • Home Alone

    Modifications, large and small, may be the icing on the cake if you want a safe and comfortable environment.   

     A friend of mine fell several times walking from her front door to the mailbox. She finally admitted that something had to be done.  

    As people age, dexterity and balance typically decrease, but a few simple “modifications” can save you from a lot of grief.

    Unless you live in an apartment or a condominium you need to think about where you are parking your car, how far you have to walk to get to your mailbox, and how easy/difficult it is to move your trash bins to the curb.

    Yard work and gardening are therapeutic and often the last things you want to give up. You don’t have to, but you want to know how to proceed.  Dress appropriately, no flip flops please, and splurge on a set of ergonomic tools. New pruning shears and a retractable garden hose should be a must at every age.

    Walkways around your house should be clear of debris, well lit, and in good condition. Repairing a worn asphalt driveway or evening out broken bricks could save you from the “big one.”   

    You don’t have to be old to appreciate that you have to be able to see what you are doing. Something as simple as motion detector lights or those little solar stick panels can save you from falling on your face.

    Another death trap or I should say “fall trap” is how safe are you just getting to your front door.  If you have steps to navigate you might consider a ramp or at least sturdy railings. Something, anything, to steady yourself against when fumbling for your keys.    

    What about the doorknob?  Experts recommend replacing doorknobs with lever style handles if you have any type of hand issues. More techie? Try a keypad or other special smart locks.

    A bench or chair in the entry, outside or just inside the door, to place packages or offer a place to sit and rest for a few minutes. No shame.

    Don’t tune out the idea of a home monitoring system.  If nothing else, family members will feel a sense of ease if they can check on you remotely. Don’t be a prisoner in your own home.   

  • Dehydration

    Summertime. It’s hot! You need to drink more water, but you aren’t thirsty and it is just too much work. You likely think that you don’t exercise hard enough to work up a sweat, so why bother.    

    Not true. A lot of changes are going on in your body, and you are about to find out that not drinking enough water can lead to a wide range of health issues.

    Water is essential for the body to function, yet most of us fall short of our daily hydration needs. Let’s look a little more closely at how hydration affects aging bodies.

    When you were younger, dry skin could be treated with moisturizer but now it goes deeper than that. Aging skin is papery thin and looks like snakeskin, but you are not a snake. You can’t shed your old dry skin and find a moist supple version beneath.     

    Gut health is another senior issue. As the amount of fluid in the intestine decreases, bowel motility slows and constipation, with a capital C, ensues. If you have ever had to go to the ER because of a bowel impaction, you know that you don’t want to do this again.

    Dizziness is pretty common among seniors. Low hydration has been known to cause circulatory problems (low blood pressure, lightheadedness, and dizziness).

    Of course the symptom that we fear the most is Impaired cognitive function (decreased concentration, mood changes, altered attention span. and short-term memory issues). Yikes. We don’t even want to go there.

    The most noticeable, of course, is decreased urinary output. You likely drink less because the diuretics you are taking make you go to the bathroom too often. So annoying. However, when hydration levels are low urine becomes more concentrated. The risk of infection skyrockets.

    You need to drink more. I stayed at a hotel once that had big jugs of water in the lobby. The jugs of water had colorful slices of cucumber, berries and fruits floating in them. So tempting.

    You can do this at home. Get into the habit of sipping water often and tempt your palate with foods rich in water content.  You can do this. You must do this.

  • Little Things

    Often it is the little things in life that make a difference. Remodeling is a big deal.  It is not surprising that many, maybe even most, seniors refuse to consider knocking out walls, widening doorways, or completely redoing the living areas downstairs

    You needn’t panic. There are actually “little things” that you can do to safety proof your house. Do consider a professional bathroom remodel though, it can save you a lot of grief.

    A fall, or even a near miss can be scary, especially if you are not sure what happened. Don’t let a fall occur because you are being sabotaged by your own house.

    Admit it. Your balance isn’t what it used to be, and your feet feel heavy when you try to navigate stairs. It happens to all of us. Do whatever it takes to feel safe in your own home.

    Look around the house with a critical eye. Try to recall some of your near misses. It may have been as simple as a bobble when pulling on your slacks or bumping against a wall because you were in too much of a hurry.

    A little care and a few tweaks may be all it takes to increase your sense of security. Information is readily available.  Magazines, newspapers, and the internet all have dozens of articles about ways to safety proof your home.

    If you would rather not do your own research, you can consult your health care team.  They will refer you to people who know how to evaluate and make astute suggestions.  Saying you “didn’t know,” in retrospect, is not an acceptable excuse.

     Grab bars, railings, shower seats and arranging cupboards so that you can easily reach everything are a good place to start. Don’t try to make do. If necessary, convert downstairs family rooms or the dining room that you never use, into a bedroom/bathroom/den living area.

    Little things can make a difference, and for heaven’s sakes get rid of throw-rugs.  Everyone says “I know” when reminded of these things but they rarely do them until a hospital bed is planted in the middle of the living room. Think ahead.  

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  • Decluttering

    One of the tell-tale signs that you are getting “old” is hoarding. It’s an ugly word, isn’t it? Hoarding can take many forms. It can range from an attic full of heirlooms to a room full of newspapers, but more likely it is just a penchant for buying too much stuf

    We all do it. We want to be prepared for the worse, but when you reach a certain age, buying in bulk doesn’t make sense anymore.  You may feel a little odd when you go to the store and buy one banana or one mushroom, but there is no need to apologize. Perishable items spoil and nonperishables really do have expiration dates.

     A family member charged with taking care of your “stuff” is not going to be amused by full pantries, overflowing closets, and musty attics.

    If you have real heirlooms in your attic, it might be prudent to donate them to a museum. It is sad, but we live in a throw away society and nobody wants your stuff.  Oh I know, in the movies there are always treasures like letters dating back to the days before the Revolutionary War, but these are the exception rather than the rule.

     “Stuff” (also known as junk) is cluttering up your house and your life. Clutter doesn’t accumulate overnight, and it is time to go through all of your belongings and decide what you “need” and what you don’t.

    Get rid of everything that you don’t use or wear. I’m talking about pots and pans, the three sets of dinnerware that you haven’t used in years, and the slacks that likely don’t fit anymore.  For heaven’s sake; read the articles you have been saving and get rid of the stacks of magazines.   There is somebody out there who will love your books, your dishes, your pots and pans, and even the excess non-perishable food items that you bought in bulk because they were cheaper that way.

    Decluttering is the first step toward safety proofing your home and it won’t cost you a thing. Simplify your life. Don’t stockpile. Don’t hoard. Enjoy your treasures today.