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Stage of Life

  • Mobility and Transportation

    Assess yourself; nobody knows “you” better than you know yourself. The trick is whether or not you can be honest.  

    What is the first thing you think about when doing a self-assessment? Most likely it is mobility and transportation. You bonded with your car when you were sixteen and it has been an ongoing love affair ever since.  Mobility and transportation are everything to you, but it isn’t just about driving. You need to lump walking, bike riding, and the use of a wheelchair or scooter into the mix.   

    I know, use of a cane, walker, wheelchair or even considering a handicap placard scream “old age,” and you aren’t ready for that yet. Wait a minute, maybe you are. A handicap placard can be a real perk, but you need to assess why you may need one. Is it because you get short of breath when walking any distance, or is it because your hips, knees, or feet hurt all of the time? Fatigue and sense of balance also loom large. Tree Pose in yoga classes was likely never a favorite, but you could pull it off, until one day you couldn’t. Yoga or not, one day you were fine and the next day you were not. You bobbled and nearly fell over when standing on one leg to pull up your slacks. At first you shrugged it off, but when it happened again you started to worry.   

    Talk to your physician. You really need to figure out how and why your body is letting you down. Mobility is a big deal.  Assess, assess, assess. You want to be able to get out of bed and stand up straight without moaning and groaning. You want to be able to get up out of a chair, walk in a straight line, and look back over your shoulder.

    You have to be able to get around if you live alone or if you are taking care of a significant other.  Work with Physical or Occupational Therapists if necessary and learn how to combat physical limitations.   You may never be able to run up a flight of stairs again, but walking is good.

  • Makeovers: You Are What You Eat

    A makeover has nothing to do with which foundations match your skin tone or whether guys decide to sport a beard, or not.  That ship has sailed. A real makeover occurs within, and it has to do with health and wellbeing. Think about it now, do not wait until you wake up in a hospital bed.  

    Let’s backtrack. Why are you in the hospital in the first place? Is it    because you weren’t as healthy or as strong as you thought you were?  You had a medical emergency; you forgot to turn off the stove, or you were in a hurry and lost your balance? You fell, didn’t you? You not only fell, but horror of horror, you were not able to get up.

    It’s too late now to think of all of the “should have,” “could have”, and “would have” plans that you didn’t make.  If the fall, surgery, and rehab didn’t finish you off, you still have a chance, but it is going to test your strength and determination to the limit.

    What went wrong? Lack of coordination and decreased muscle strength crept on you because you weren’t eating properly, you were too busy or lazy to exercise, and you sometimes forgot to take your medicines.  

    Are you fueling your body with good food? Eating is more fun than exercising so let’s start there. It is not that you don’t know the importance of a good diet. Moms nagged, teachers taught, and reporters still write about nutrition “ad nauseum.” Despite their efforts, somewhere along the line cooking/eating lost its appeal.  

    After a series of unhealthy diets, not enough time to cook properly, or the rising price of healthy food items, you threw up your hands and gave up.  I saw seniors in care facility dining rooms leave more food, especially vegetables, on their plates than they ate (except for desserts). Mom is rolling, well you know.

    Regardless of personal preferences, you still need protein, carbohydrates, fats, and enough calories to keep your muscles, bones, and brain cells functioning.  Eat as if your life depends on it, because it kind of does.

  • Remodel Yourself

    You may think you are doing fine, but are you? Seriously, the list of things that come under the realm of “activities of daily living” is huge.  When did just “living” become so hard? If you are a caregiver or living alone it is time to evaluate your lifestyle.  

    Cleanliness, hmmm. When your eyesight was razor sharp or you lived with someone else you reacted immediately when you dripped spaghetti sauce or spilled coffee on your shirt. Well, darn! Now, it is too easy to think “who cares,” or “I’ll take care of it later.”

    Someone else was always there to remind you that “cleanliness is next to Godliness.”  Now it is up to you to notice if you don’t want people whispering “he/she seems to be slipping” behind your back.  Makes you mad, doesn’t it? When did a little faux pas become such an issue?

    Yes, everyone spills stuff, but when people can tell you what you had for dinner two nights ago, it will likely become a topic of conversation.  So, get into the habit of washing up and putting on clean clothes every morning.

    When did you take your last real bath?  In the old days you got away with sponge baths or a tub filled with hot water in the middle of the kitchen floor on Saturday night, and yes, doing laundry was a real chore. Everything is, or can be, easier now and excuses are not readily accepted.

    Today, you must focus on whether or not you can enter and/or exit the tub or shower stall safely. If the least little bit unsteady you need to let someone know what you are up to.  Bathrooms can be deadly.  

    Slippery tiles, porcelain sinks and tubs, and low-slung toilet seats are not forgiving.  Getting off from the toilet or taking a shower should not be hard. Grab bars, Grab bars, Grab bars, and a Medical Alert System can be your best friends.

    Identify problem areas by using the activities of daily list as a guideline.  Create a safe environment for yourself and get busy “remodeling yourself.” You are not alone in this.

  • Activities of Daily Living

    Senior proofing your house is a good idea. No argument there, but why does everyone suggest that there is more to do. Have you considered remodeling yourself?   

    What does that mean? You are doing fine. Why does everyone think that you need to change?  Why won’t people leave you alone?

    Duh! This is one time in your life that you should not want everyone to leave you alone. Chronic conditions that you have never heard of are lurking in the wings, not to mention that you tire more easily and you notice a new ache or pain every day.      

    You might be pleased to know that you can fight it. You will never return to the way you were, but you can create some safeguards to help you navigate your world.   Nature did a pretty good job of taking care of you when you were young, but this time it is all going to be on you.

    You can evaluate yourself, but you need to know that most people have trouble with this. It might be better to have someone impartial do this.  Two options: you can read a book on successful ageing, or you can consult a geriatric specialist.  

    Try not to be offended by the questions asked. An evaluation is not a test. It has not been designed to trip you up or make you feel bad about yourself.    

     The first thing a professional looks at is how well you are managing your “activities or daily living.” They want nothing more than to make sure that you are getting around safely and are capable of taking care of yourself.   

    It is a big ask but you need not feel ashamed if you fall short in certain areas.  Learning to identify problems and correcting them is more productive than just hoping that nobody will notice.

    Taking care of “activities of daily living” might seem irrelevant because you have always done these things for yourself, but bathing, walking, driving, shopping, preparing meals, and dressing are a big deal.  Only your desire to live independently is going to help you now. Are you up for it?

  • Ready, Set, Go

    Seniors are not lazy. They don’t dream about just sitting back to reap the benefits from their Social Security and Medicare accounts.

    Retirement euphoria doesn’t last long, and it is often followed by boredom or worse yet, inertia.  If inertia isn’t your style, it is time to change things up a bit.     

    You are not alone if you fear change. Change is threatening because it means leaving your comfort zone. Don’t sell yourself short. Seniors have wisdom, experience, and problem-solving skills that come from long years of study, trial, and yes even errors. Use them!

    I know what you are thinking. You don’t feel that you can take on anything else right now, but why not? You have more time at your disposal than at any other time in your life. Remember what you told your kids when they whined because they were afraid to leave their comfort zone? You said “nonsense, you can do anything you set your mind to.” What will you do when they say that same thing to you? Will you fight it or embrace it?

    You still have time, whether it be days, weeks, or years. Get over yourself for half a minute and go for it! Start small. We aren’t talking about running a marathon or giving up everything you love, but it isn’t too late to rethink your diet, visit your health care team, start an exercise program, resurrect a hobby, or learn something new.

     As your confidence grows, your body will gets stronger and your brain will start paying attention again. Embrace what you “can do” instead of getting bogged down by the can nots. Your body isn’t as strong or as agile as it was, but “you are still you”.  

    The bold truth is that you cannot age successfully or maintain your independent lifestyle if you don’t put forth a little effort. What do you want to do first? Examine your activities of daily living, “senior proof” your house, go to the Senior Center, or sign up for a class? You are better, smarter, and stronger than you think.  

  • The Future is Now

    The future may not be as rosy as it used to be, and it may take longer to figure things out, but you still have a future.  

    It’s a lot to think about, especially if you have resigned yourself to the inevitable, but let’s not go there yet.  Seniors in the past often had a different mindset because the years between retirement and well, you know, were miniscule.

    Longevity has changed that, but it has also created a whole new set of concerns. People are living longer and research has opened many doors, if you choose to open them.

    What do all of these predictions and statistics mean to you? It means you may have to factor an additional 10, 20 or 30 more years into your picture.

    Nobody dreams of spending their later years in a care facility, but how in the world are you supposed to keep that from happening? Truth be told, people living in a controlled environment with regular meals, medication programs, enforced therapy and socialization tend to live longer. This tells us that independence is still within our grasp. It also shows us how important nutrition, exercise, socialization and mental stimulation is to the overall picture.

     Planning for the future takes on a whole new dimension. Where we live does not have to change who we are, but you need to listen, learn and make some difficult decisions.  I learned when I worked with seniors, long before becoming one, that we all need to listen to our elders. Their words of wisdom boiled down to “If I knew I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself.”

    So, listen up. You have a future no matter where you live. You all want to feel good, remain active, and keep “all of your marbles” so that you can embrace your future.

     Ultimately it may mean dropping some old habits and developing some new ones, but you already know that.  Look ahead instead of behind you and make good solid decisions.  There is still plenty to work on.

  • How Independent Are You?

    How independent are you?  Everyone likes to be taken care of, but the difference between being dependent and being independent is huge. If you operated under a division of labor system for most of your adult life, you may not be as proficient at self-care as you think you are.

     It’s different now. You are alone or find yourself in the role of a caregiver. There is no longer a division of labor. You are in charge of everything, which includes your own health, safety, and wellbeing.

    There are two ways to determine your capabilities. The first is centered around how well you manage your own personal care. Personal care refers to ordinary things like bathing, dressing, feeding yourself, and remembering to take your medicines.

    The second determination includes pretty much everything else. Think about how you handle meal preparation, shopping, paying bills, house and yard maintenance, driving, and cleaning up your messes. As you can see, independence is not based solely on physical capabilities, but on everything you can do or can’t do.

    You need to be able to recognize that you may not be able to do everything on your own.  If someone asks you how you are doing, what do you say? If you feel insulted or defensive you need to figure out why. Try not to interpret suggestions and offers of help as criticisms.

    The ability to manage on your own is not an “all or nothing at all” deal. Everyone reaches a point where they may require a little help. If you are a good manager, you can still be in charge. Knowing when to delegate becomes a real plus.   

    You scoff. You have been taking care of yourself, and others too, all of your adult life. How hard could it possibly be? “Hard” is just the tip of the iceberg. The world has become quite complicated in the years between then and now, and it may finally dawn on you that you didn’t fully appreciate the role of your “significant others.”  We all have a lot to learn.

  • The House

    It is hard to make changes to, or leave, your home. You get attached to familiar things, but what is it that you are attached to? I’ve moved often over the last 50 odd years. I learned, early on, that it is people and memories that make a home, not the “junk” in the attic.

    Any house can be a home. Knocking out a wall, installing a chair lift or an elevator does not change the dynamics. Face it, the house that was perfect for you when you were 30 is likely not going to work for you today. High ceilings, multiple staircases, sunken living rooms, attics full of junk, and upstairs bedrooms, what were we thinking?

    Whether you decide to remain in the family home. or move elsewhere, you need to consider your changing needs. Living alone, or being a caregiver, is a whole new ballpark. Don’t wait to sell, remodel, or move until a medical emergency forces your hand.

     Near falls, painful joints, no longer being able to drive or even walk safely impinges on your ability to stay in your own home.  Still you resist. We all do.

    Older people resist remodeling because they don’t want to spend the money or don’t want their house to look like an old folk’s home. At 50, 60, even 70 you never feel that you are quite ready for “that.”.

    Did you know that you can remodel today in a way that makes upgrades possible tomorrow. For example, if you are doing a bathroom remodel today, you can build reinforcements into the walls that will accompany the addition of grab bars later.  A closet today might reserve space for a dumb waiter or elevator shaft tomorrow.  On the other hand there is no shame in having decorator grab-bars installed today or upgrading your shower so that you can safely bathe tomorrow.

     Even a little stumble can spell disaster. Every time you notice that something is “tripping you up” you need to think about what you can do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.  If you need hands-on advice check in with your local Council on Ageing.

  • Living Alone

    Old age isn’t just a passing fancy; it makes up a third of your lifespan. Society uses the term “old” rather loosely. It isn’t until you are in your 70’s that you appreciate that calling someone “old” when they hit 50 is ridiculous. Old age, it seems, has become a catchall term used to describe anyone from 50-110. Wow. That’s a very long time.

    Old age happens. Loneliness happens. It happens to seniors as they find themselves alone for the first time in their lives. Alone time is not all it’s cracked up to be.

    Live alone if you must, or if you just can’t envision any other option, but be aware of how easy it is to sink into a state of despair. Fight depression like your life depends on it. Mental Health issues are nothing to be ashamed of but fighting something intangible takes a concentrated effort.

    Be willing to give as well as receive. It is easier to ask for help if you feel you can reciprocate. You are not a burden. Your family and your friends need you as much as you need them.

    Get out of the house on a regular basis. Join a Senior Center (a place where you can go to enjoy art, exercise, engage in social activities, and share a nutritious meal). Join a group and find a hobby (something you are truly interested in).

    Live in the twenty-first century. The good old days were not better. Buy a computer and get a new phone. Your kids and grandkids can help you master the basics but look at your Senior Center or public library to fill in the gaps.  Technology can be your window to the world.

    Using the above-mentioned technology to communicate with family and friends. Reach out and touch someone on a regular basis. Make at least one phone call, text message, or e-mail every day.

    Organize a buddy system and ask someone to call or check in on you once a day, just in case the unthinkable happens. Couple that with a smart watch or voice-of-help pendant so that you can feel safe and independent. You are not alone.     

  • Moving On

    You want to be independent. You want to stay in your own home, but are you being realistic? Think about it.  Are you able to keep up with house and yard chores? Can you navigate stairs safely and comfortably? If you have a fall, are you able to call for help or get up unassisted? Did you take your medicines today? Are you doing your own grocery shopping or preparing nutritious meals?  Answers to these questions address the main issue; how well you are managing “activities of daily living.”  Be honest. If you are struggling, it may be time to consider moving on.

    Moving on does not have to be the end of life as you know it. Moving on does not necessarily mean “moving” in a physical sense, although it may. Moving on might just refer to downsizing, house sharing, living with family members, engaging in an exercise program, senior proofing your home, or hiring help.    

    Moving on will not change you as a person.  Independence is more than where you choose to live. Independence is about making good decisions and about taking care of yourself.

    Taking care of yourself is a priority whether you find yourself alone or caring for someone else.  People of our generation have been surrounded by other people from day one.  You lived with parents and siblings before going off to college, entering the workforce, or enlisting in the military.  You lived in a dorm or had housemates to share expenses until you married, and it started all over again.  At times you probably wondered if you would ever be truly alone.    

    There is a certain comfort associated with being surrounded by others, but every one of us, at one time or another, has dreamed of a perfect Zen state where peace and calm reigns. Alas, when that day arrives, you will likely find that you aren’t ready, not to mention that sitting in the lotus position and meditating may not be your cup of tea at all.   

    More and more people are finding themselves alone for the first time in their lives.   The first taste of aloneness occurs when children leave the nest, but that is nothing compared to the “aloneness” associated with divorce or widowhood.  Alone vs loneliness.  Learning how to combat loneliness is another facet of independent living.