Do you think
that parents and in-laws who express “too much” interest
in the lives of their adult children as a blessing or a curse? The other day I read the suggestions given by
an advice columnist to a woman who “resented” the demands/needs of intrusive
in-laws. The words used in the response focused on manipulation, control
issues, insecurity and boundary challenges.
I am not a relationship expert, but I have been around for quite awhile,
and these words unsettled me. I would like to put a slightly different spin on
the story and ask what you think.
As you grow
older you begin to realize that there are precious few people in this world who
actually care about you. A few close friends are held in high regard, but for
the most part these relationships cease when you retire or move on. Family members, the ones who you find
so intrusive, are the only people who truly care about you.
Think about
that the next time you are too busy to return a call or send a message. Would it kill you to take a second or two to
text someone that you arrived home safely or to wish them a good night? Modern technology is a marvelous thing. A few
seconds and you can lift someone’s spirits by saying “I love you”, or bring a
smile to a face when you send a quick picture.
Be thoughtful, be kind, and stop filling your
days with trivial busyness. Relationships are important. The day
will come when those loving people will no longer be with you, and you will
miss them. Return that phone call or
teach them how to text or e-mail. Say thank
you for the gifts and take the offered leftovers from the family dinner, and try
to rejoice that it will provide a meal that you won’t have to cook
yourself. Stop complaining.
Everyone
knows how busy you are; at least you are always telling them that. Instead of
making others feel that they are intruding on your precious schedule, ask them for help. Parents love having a
connection with their children, and it means a lot when you share tidbits from
your lives with them. It is surprising
how many parents have limited knowledge of their children’s lives because no
one takes the time to make them feel that they are still important.
Consider
this: children’s busyness can become a barrier to parents asking for more help
themselves. When I worked with seniors I would hear them sigh and utter the
words “they are too busy,” and “I don’t want to be a bother.” How does that
make you feel? How parents feel about the busy nature of their children’s lives
influences how they feel about asking for help. These ambivalent perceptions
inhibit conversations between parents and children.
My parents
and in-laws are long since gone. Do I
miss them? You
betcha! I wish I had written more often,
called more often, visited more often and given them more of everything. Don’t wait until it is too late to appreciate
that family is the most important thing in your world.
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