Our generation didn’t coin the term “helicopter parenting” but we knew what it meant. We stood by and tried to be supportive, but most of us wondered if our overly protected grandchildren were ever going to learn how to stand on their own two feet.
Maintaining a balance was hard work but we did it. The verdict is still out on how successful our efforts were, but don’t clap yourself on the back yet. Helicopter parents, now helicopter children, will be looking in your direction next. If you aren’t careful they will soon be micromanaging your life.
If you aren’t ready to give up your right to “do it yourself,” you need to break them of their hovering tendencies right now. It’s human nature; your kids will either ignore you altogether or they will swoop in and take over. The tendency to hover is a tough habit to break. Hovering (helping) is seen as being loving and protective, when in fact it could be just the opposite.
Over protection, as you know, encouraged dependency. You can either give up and let your children do everything for you, or you can set some boundaries, right now. Look at their tendency to helicopter for what it is, a quick fix. We all know it is easier to act (do everything for you) than to coach (teach you how to do it yourself).
It is important to establish early on (retirement age perhaps) that you are capable of making, or at least participating in making, life altering decisions. Assure them that you will ask for help when the time comes, but really mean it. Don’t sabotage your efforts by putting on your “stubborn face” because things will not end well for you.
It is important, at any age, to foster independence and autonomy. When your children hoover, the message sent/received is that they know what is best for you. There is a fine line between being concerned and being overly concerned. Being too helpful is almost as detrimental as not being helpful enough. Work as a team to figure to nurture independence.
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