Parents complain when their children make poor decisions. Children complain when their elderly parents become cantankerous, stubborn, ill-informed, and unreasonable.
People frown at problematic children. People frown at elderly parents who are trying to assert themselves. What gives? Do they want you to be independent or not?
The dependency cycle kicks in at an early age. In the blink of an eye you find yourself being “taken care of.” It seems nice, until you realize that you are being nudged in a direction that you don’t want to go.
Parents like being in charge of their children’s welfare because they “know what is best for them”. It shouldn’t surprise you to find that the shoe is now on the other foot. Your children want to do what “is best” for you.
Being a caregiver is a tough job. It is not surprising that they find it is easier to make your beds, pick up your toys, select your clothes, and wipe up your spills than to insist you do it yourself. They may even go so far as to suggest that a “new medication” might make you play well with others.
It doesn’t take long for that spark of independence to die. Years ago there was a movie titled “Dad” with Jack Lemon and Ted Danson. The son moves home to be with his dad when mom is hospitalized. The son is appalled to find that his dad was so used to being “taken care of” that he was not able to function on his own. He didn’t know how to make his bed, pick out his clothing, do laundry, cook a meal, or drive his car. As the story unfolds, we see the son teach his dad how to take care of himself again. It was heartwarming to say the least.
Take heed. If you can bring home the bacon but you can’t boil an egg you may be in more trouble than you realize. Somewhere along the line your quest for independence took a hit but it is not too late. The quest for independence does not die at a certain age.
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