A friend of mine is going through a rough patch; she reinjured her back and hip when helping a neighbor get ready for an event. She is a really good person, and always rallies around when someone asks for help.
Much as she enjoys helping others she has learned, the hard way, that she needs to learn how to say “no.” When good intentions result in excessive fatigue or physical distress it is time to regroup.
It’s hard to say “no,” but the time comes when you have to accept that chronic illnesses or other disabilities associated with aging mean that some things are going to have to change.
What happens when you need help? My friend was willing to admit that she felt “neediness” was embarrassing, and that she has always prided herself on being able to tough it out on her own. It wasn’t that she thought someone else needing help was a bad thing, but that asking for help personally didn’t seem the same.
Why is this simple tit for tat concept so hard to accept? Are you just being stubborn or are you afraid of rejection? Would you be embarrassed if your request was refused?
You needn’t be. It is hard for anyone to say “no” when someone asks for help. It is human nature to help others in need. Studies show that most people take pleasure in helping others, and that they are unlikely to turn down a reasonable request.
Reasonable is the key word. You don’t want to ask for help if you feel that it is going to be a burden to the other person, but please don’t preface your request with “I don’t want to be a bother.” Never do the guilt trip thing; always give them the option of a polite refusal. Chances are, at the very least, they will be happy to help problem solve.
People get pleasure out of helping others; it makes their day, brightens their smile, gives them a feeling of self-worth and importance. Your job is to learn how to be grateful and to reciprocate in ways that are physically possible.
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